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SkeeterRon
Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 1173
Location: Newington, CT
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 Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2011 12:25 pm Post subject: Daddy’s Rules of Dating. |
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I have had these rules for a long time, waiting until that day when the boys come a calling. Well, that day has come.
Not sure where I got it, but it stands true in my house. Feel free to use it.
Daddy’s Rules of Dating.
Rule One.
If you pull into my driveway and honk you had better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two.
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three.
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off your hips. Please do not take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still. I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, infact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four.
I am sure you have been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “Barrier Method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five.
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: “early”
Rule Six.
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight.
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies, which feature chain saws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks home are better.
Rule Nine.
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. However, on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind me.
Rule Ten.
Be afraid.. Be very afraid.. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
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Sleep...Eat...Fish!!!!! Then do it all over again. |
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SeaDog1
Joined: 21 Dec 2009
Posts: 2629
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| Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2011 12:46 pm Post subject: |
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Wheeeeeeew 
Too much to remember
My youngest brother had 3 girls so I'm sure he had similar rules
Glad I had a boy ONLY
SeaDog1  |
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DirtyDawg10
Joined: 27 May 2009
Posts: 2238
Location: Granby, CT
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| Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:04 pm Post subject: |
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| LMAO!! Great rules! |
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SkeeterRon
Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 1173
Location: Newington, CT
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| Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 7:24 am Post subject: |
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I presented these rules to my daughters (she's 16) first boy friend.
He laughed, then noticed I wasn't.
He experienced his first awkward moment with me.
Then I cooked them both Choc Pudding. 
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Old Mud
Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 1048
Location: Bath, Maine
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| Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 8:45 am Post subject: |
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Well Ron there a little revised from when i read them off to my daughter in 1965 but that's progress for ya !!!!!! 
Priceless !!!!!!!!
_________________
"I was so poor growing up that if I wasn't a BOY I'd have had nothing to play with"
All that truly matters in the end is that you LOVED !!!!
Last edited by Old Mud on Wed Jan 19, 2011 5:11 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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RobO
Joined: 24 May 2010
Posts: 285
Location: South Windsor
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| Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 4:50 pm Post subject: |
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Love it. I have saved it and made a few personal changes to it. I will hold on to it until my daughter grows up to a dating age.
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I'd rather be fishing, than sitting here in front of this computer,,, |
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SkeeterRon
Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 1173
Location: Newington, CT
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| Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 12:21 pm Post subject: |
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I am glad it was helpful..
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SkeeterRon
Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 1173
Location: Newington, CT
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| Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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Next on my agenda is to show the boy friend the wonders of "Instant Adhesives".
And it's many uses.. 
It's a good thing I like this kid.
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Old Mud
Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 1048
Location: Bath, Maine
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| Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 2:41 pm Post subject: |
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| SkeeterRon wrote: | Next on my agenda is to show the boy friend the wonders of "Instant Adhesives".
And it's many uses..
It's a good thing I like this kid. |
OMG !!!!! i have seen some of those "Adhesives" at work !!!
_________________
"I was so poor growing up that if I wasn't a BOY I'd have had nothing to play with"
All that truly matters in the end is that you LOVED !!!! |
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SkeeterRon
Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 1173
Location: Newington, CT
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| Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2011 7:19 am Post subject: |
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Yeah Buddy...
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Old Mud
Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 1048
Location: Bath, Maine
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| Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2011 7:47 am Post subject: |
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Just a reminder here Ron, Don't get to aggresive with those "Instant Adhesives". wouldn't want anyone singing 'Stuck on you !!!! 
_________________
"I was so poor growing up that if I wasn't a BOY I'd have had nothing to play with"
All that truly matters in the end is that you LOVED !!!! |
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